Dec21

The Game of Ten Things

Posted on by
The Game of Ten Things

It’s the game of Ten Things Gone. I picked it up from Havi’s blog post, who got inspiration from Barbara’s book. Here are the two rules:

Get rid of ten things. Whenever you happen to remember.

Sounds pretty easy, right? Except, as it turns out, it’s not that easy. And, of course, letting go of simple things is a reflection of how hard or easy it is for you to let go of more difficult things. I also discovered that our house is quite functional and there are few things that do not belong.

And, something that I suspected but what this game showed me really clearly: I am practically incapable of choosing small steps. Most of stuff on my list came in packages or multiples, and I kept raising the bar higher and higher until I almost made it impossible for me to complete the game. How curious. I will ponder it some more.

  1. Three darling candles that were a gift from a couple of years ago. I let them burn while I searched the house for other ideas of things to let go of.
  2. Six packages of various pills and powders that were past the due date. One of them especially hilarious. Also, I did not find a place in Houston that takes meds of disposal, and learned that meds need to be mixed with cat food or coffee grinds and removed from boxes. I ended up mixing everything together with salt and sealing it in a plastic bag. This made me think about how much I really need to stock up on various pills and chemical remedies.
  3. Eleven empty cardboard boxes. Apparently, I like to order stuff online and then hold on to my cardboard boxes. Not anymore! Gone to recycling!
  4. Two burnt-out energy bulbs. Weird, I know – I thought those were not supposed to burn out? On their way to recycling. Bye-bye, energy bulbs!
  5. Two shirts: into a donation clothes pile.
  6. The donation clothes pile: driven to the Goodwill location and dropped through a hole in the wall. There were a couple of neat things there, and I trust they will recycle what they don’t like or need.
  7. A Chinese kite that was missing pieces: after some family negotiating, also gone. Bye, kite! We will think of you whenever we see kites flying in the sky.
  8. A book on yoga that used to send shivers down my spine. I made a decision and recycled it, rather than resold it. I hope a kinder book would be printed on the recycled paper which would not so horribly misrepresent what yoga is actually about.
  9. Pages from a notebook that where from the past, not the present or the future. It was fun to re-read them and realize that yes, I did actually travel quite a bit this past year (evidenced by all the trip-planning notes). And re-read the notes from job interviews (I am glad I stayed put). And say goodbye to all that.
  10. An microwave from our previous apartment. Almost gone, but not physically yet. I have a plan, however, and it will move to a new home in the first week of January once we are back in Houston.

Did you notice how the above is at least 29 things, rather than ten? Totally unnecessary for the game, yes pretty characteristic for me.

Maybe I was trying to compensate for the 77 Lentils Game. Maybe I really want to let go of more things and have more space in my home. Or maybe I just wanted to keep playing.

Wanna play with me? Does not have to be ten. One will do for starters. I bet you have some pills that are past their expiration date, or some old packages or boxes that are never going to be used again :)

Nov28

A Partial List of Things That Are Pretty Okay

Posted on by
A Partial List of Things That Are Pretty Okay

This Thanksgiving is my first one that I get to celebrate as a (new) American.

I have two cups handy: one is empty, the other one has buckwheat grains in it. And this year, I am playing the Lentil Game (also known as the  ”I don’t have to like anything but I am also allowed to casually-but-earnestly appreciate things that are not horrible game”) with Havi and others. This is my first time and I am curious to see how it works out, if I make it to 77 , if I will want to stop at 77, etc. No idea how this will work, but I am open to anything, and 77 is a nice number.

So here is my current, partial list of things that are pretty okay:

  1. A sparkling clean apartment! I am the Cinderella extraordinaire.
  2. Houston weather this weekend. Mostly warm November. Breeze. Nice.
  3. Hermann Park! I love living across the street from Hermann Park.
  4. Paul who is cooking sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and brussels sprouts in the kitchen as I am writing this.
  5. The Fluent Self blog which is my daily source of inspiration and support.
  6. Blowing bubbles.
  7. My fitball chair, because I’ve been wanting one for at least five years and finally got one for myself, and yes it is that awesome.
  8. Houston WordPress meetups and all the smart and creative people who choose to come to them.
  9. My home office and working from home.
  10. The wonderful smells from the kitchen.
  11. A looong weekend this week. From Wednesday to Sunday, just fun time and family time and personal projects time. Love it.
  12. My Kindle with a cover that has a night light! The night light is the bomb.
  13. A lapdesk so that I can chill out on the sofa, look out of the window and play the Lentil Game.
  14. My collection of postcards from Elizabeth. Sweet mementos.
  15. Playground: that it came into existence, that I got to visit it this year (twice!) and that I can plan more visits.
  16. Bananas, apples and sweet potatoes this weekend.
  17. The choo-choo train that runs in the Hermann Park.
  18. My books, notebooks and pencils. Reading, writing, jotting ideas down.
  19. Music in my iTunes library! Like Zaz and Pink Martini and true from mix mix.
  20. Doing yoga my way, and not having anyone tell me what I should be doing, or feeling, or what kind of experience I should be having. Really knowing that my body and my practice belong to me only.
  21. Knowing that I can buy toys for myself. Like a tiny rubber duck, bubbles, a reiki timer, and a fitball chair. And make them part of my own office.
  22. Having my own domain name and a blog and a virtual space. Tiny and undercover, and all mine. And I get to decide what gets published and what does not.
  23. Having a wonderful online circle of friends – a place to ask questions, to share thoughts, to cheer, to cry, to be completely open. Knowing that the circle will be there next year, and that I will be there, too. I love you, KT.
  24. Smiling with Sarah’s stories and being inspired by her ideas, even if I don’t consider myself even remotely artistic or creative. Because Sarah is that awesome.
  25. Knowing that anything is possible.
  26. Smiling, sighing and deciding that 26 is a perfect number.

And you. Thank you for reading this.

Nov20

My take on the carrot and the stick

Posted on by
My take on the carrot and the stick

The carrot and the stick: in my experience, both work.

And most of my experiences – scholarly or employment – have traditionally included more of the latter. In fact, I have been in a lot of situations when until the stick was applied, the goal was not accomplished.

The homework was not done, the service was not provided, the client delivery was not made until someone did not come in waving a stick. Once the stick made the appearance and a few threatening (or in some cases, directly attacking) movements were made, things remained stuck.

So seeing the results that the stick brought, I learned to believe that it was the best way – the only way, indeed, to achieve quick and efficient results. You could say that I embraced Theory X of human motivation.

You could also say that this world view was not good for my well-being.

It was exhausting. To accomplish anything was a battle, an uphill struggle. My email breathed fire, and so did I during my meetings and conference calls.

I remember that most of the time, there were people around me who modeled the other way. The strategy of listening first and taking the time to understand the other side’s point of view and challenges. The benefits that could be gained from showing patience and faith in other people, rather than choosing to push, accuse and blame.

I also remember having conversations with my mentors, with people advising and reminding me over and over again that fighting would not take me far. That smoothing and building relationships would bring better results. And I remember arguing back :) because I just simply did not believe the carrot strategy would apply to my situation or solve my particular challenge.

I did try the carrot strategy several times – in most cases, because I was specifically requested to, or strongly advised that it would be the only way to achieve my goals. It felt counter-natural and insincere.

And then, I found myself in a situation that felt familiar, yet it was different. I knew, more or less, what I had to do – but the culture was different, and no-one was using the stick. Everyone operated according to the carrot theory.

It was weird. I was annoyed because everything was taking longer – because I could not just request it, I had to ask for it nicely. I did not get it. How did those people get anything done?

And yet, they did. And they seemed nice, and also seemed to enjoy their work. Hmmm.

So I tried this strange, weird communication technique. I tried it over and over again. And, to my shock, it worked. Stuff did get done. It was possible to do things in sustainable way, and focus on improving the process. People knew they were in it for a long haul, and they acted accordingly.

I learned that I could get things done in a different way, and that looking for the best in people brought it out in them.

That is not to say that my mentors don’t still occasionally remind me that there are peaceful ways to resolve my current challenges. However, this happens way less frequently now.

Wow, I came back from a blogging hiatus and wrote what feels like an incredibly personal post. And what the hell, I am going to publish :) Dear readers, you are welcome to share your stories of shifting world views, if you’d like. Or just say hi. Hi!