And most of my experiences – scholarly or employment – have traditionally included more of the latter. In fact, I have been in a lot of situations when until the stick was applied, the goal was not accomplished.

The homework was not done, the service was not provided, the client delivery was not made until someone did not come in waving a stick. Once the stick made the appearance and a few threatening (or in some cases, directly attacking) movements were made, things remained stuck.

So seeing the results that the stick brought, I learned to believe that it was the best way – the only way, indeed, to achieve quick and efficient results. You could say that I embraced Theory X of human motivation.

You could also say that this world view was not good for my well-being.

It was exhausting. To accomplish anything was a battle, an uphill struggle. My email breathed fire, and so did I during my meetings and conference calls.

I remember that most of the time, there were people around me who modeled the other way. The strategy of listening first and taking the time to understand the other side’s point of view and challenges. The benefits that could be gained from showing patience and faith in other people, rather than choosing to push, accuse and blame.

I also remember having conversations with my mentors, with people advising and reminding me over and over again that fighting would not take me far. That smoothing and building relationships would bring better results. And I remember arguing back because I just simply did not believe the carrot strategy would apply to my situation or solve my particular challenge.

I did try the carrot strategy several times – in most cases, because I was specifically requested to, or strongly advised that it would be the only way to achieve my goals. It felt counter-natural and insincere.

And then, I found myself in a situation that felt familiar, yet it was different. I knew, more or less, what I had to do – but the culture was different, and no-one was using the stick. Everyone operated according to the carrot theory.

It was weird. I was annoyed because everything was taking longer – because I could not just request it, I had to ask for it nicely. I did not get it. How did those people get anything done?

And yet, they did. And they seemed nice, and also seemed to enjoy their work. Hmmm.

So I tried this strange, weird communication technique. I tried it over and over again. And, to my shock, it worked. Stuff did get done. It was possible to do things in sustainable way, and focus on improving the process. People knew they were in it for a long haul, and they acted accordingly.

I learned that I could get things done in a different way, and that looking for the best in people brought it out in them.

That is not to say that my mentors don’t still occasionally remind me that there are peaceful ways to resolve my current challenges. However, this happens way less frequently now.

Wow, I came back from a blogging hiatus and wrote what feels like an incredibly personal post. And what the hell, I am going to publish Dear readers, you are welcome to share your stories of shifting world views, if you’d like. Or just say hi. Hi!

Yes, more balance and control – give me some, please. Yet, when faced with the task of defining what balance or control really is – asked by my mentors, friends, or myself – I am suddenly short of words.

What is balance and what does it really mean?

Is it taking off the list all the tasks that were due for today, and knowing that I will have enough hours in my day tomorrow to complete tomorrow’s tasks? Or is it knowing that the lists don’t matter really as much as the actual things I am working on?

Is it going to bed at 11pm? Or at 1am, if that’s what it takes to fit a trip to the rock climbing gym into while getting all the day job work done?

Is it taking a nap on a Saturday afternoon? Or is it getting enough sleep so that there is no need to crash on afternoons?

Feeling on top of my job? Or knowing that in the midst of stress and chaos, personal creative and physical challenges are still the first things that need to happen in the morning, no matter what? (And knowing that setting up priorities in that way is something that helps everything else happen with more ease.)

I have a lot of question marks and not a lot of full stops and explanation points, I am afraid. I am open to ideas, suggestions and new vantage view points. What is balance for you?

Probably already in kindergarten. I definitely recall an obsession with maximizing the number of red stars (hello, I was born in USSR) on my first grade “performance scorecard”.

It only escalated from there. The Skanavi’s Mathematics Problems Collection for University Applicants, a Soviet classic that has remained with me for the past 15 years, surviving 6 international moves, still bears the pencil “check” marks that I placed there as I conquered its problems one by one.

I am possibly the one person alive who actually read the Project Management Body of Knowledge Guide (easily the driest book in the history of writing) cover-to-cover and took detailed notes.

I am the kind of person who seeks out mixed up formulas, financial knots, impossibly complicated projects – and then throws herself into the often excruciatingly painful process of untangling them, transforming them into the state of shiny perfection.

And as much as I sometimes whine and complain about the process, I actually like it. And the quest for perfection is definitely an important part of my UVP.

The line between radical responsibility and pure insanity…

…is very thin and blurred.

Oh, how much I want to:

• Check every single point off my list by 5pm (30 to-dos in my Tasks folder now, some of them overdue).
• Have every email answered quickly and thoroughly (up to 20 follow-up flags in Outlook, most of them due by the end of the week).
• Get all the photos sorted out and uploaded from last year’s Africa trip (I think we are about 18 albums behind).
• Get on top of my personal projects list in My Life Organized (300+ items, thinking about declaring a to-do list bankruptcy and starting over).
• Catch up with everyone I work with now, worked before, and all the friends I have not spoken to in a while (so many people to learn from; so many people to coach; so many loved ones thousands of miles away).
• Have all my accounts and processes documented in great detail, so that if I flip my convertible speeding on I-10, someone can pick up my work where I left off (good luck to that innocent soul).

And it would be nice to have this post double- and tripled-edited, with appropriate links inserted (I am sure hundreds of people would immediately click through to Amazon and buy PMBOK), and decorated with pretty pictures.

Oh well.

I will never be fully, absolutely, 100% done. My lists will keep getting longer. And I will keep breathing and reminding myself that it’s never about done – it’s about doing.

Join the club?

It’s free admission. To-do list list liberation movement! Let’s not get it done – let’s just do something and see what happens.

Or, maybe simply take a break – breaks almost never make it on our to-do lists.

What say you? To-do lists – are they your allies or bullies?